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| ergh, so the past couple of days after my last post have been less than perfect. binging, purging- ew, never again. I just have to remember to take it one day at a time.
today;
intake: 760 cals.
outtake: -1060 cals.
total: -300 cals.
yay :)
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| So I've been fasting for fours days now, I got two six packs of fruit20 to keep me hydrated, I want to keep fasting for at least five days or until my period ends, I'm used to the feeling of hunger now, I barely notice it, what gets to me is how completely exhausted I am all the time. Anyone know any good caffeine pills or something? I can't drink coffee until February 5th because I'm part of the runway challenge now. Water is the only beverage allowed and I can't really exercise since my treadmill is still broken, my dad ordered a new belt for it and installed it but its still not working, so I have to wait another day for him to make some calls and figure out whats wrong with it. Another day without any real exercise, I feel like a total fatty. I'm also on the 3rd day of my period and I think I'm not gonna eat until it ends, maybe it will make it end faster? Probably not, all I know is that its making me cranky and craving chocolate and pasta like mad. I can't wait until the day when I'm too skinny to get my period. It feels like that day will never come. I'm so impatient, I feel like I haven't been loosing any weight at all because I weigh myself like three times a day and I weigh more because of my goddamn period, its so frustrating. I want a digital scale, I want to know exactly how much I weigh, down to the ounce.
My friends tried to have an intervention with me and confront me about my eating habits. I told them I've been seriously sick for the past few weeks and I'm not eating because I think I have a serious food allergy (my parents both have various food allergies so its a good excuse for me) and that I'm just trying to see if and what foods are making me sick. They bought it and instead of going to lunch I went down to the art room to work on my project. My best friend tried to practically ram a cookie down my throat today and she made me take a piece but I gave it to one of my guy friends in the hallway. I resisted so much temptation I am really proud of myself.
Tomorrow I am going to hang out with my best friend and her house is loaded with cookies and soda and crap, I'm really scared that I'm going to give in to temptation and ruin my fast on the last day. I need to keep my goals in mind. I need to remember what I really want.
- I want my weight to be double-digits
- I want my ex-boyfriends to look at me and wonder why they ever let me go
- I want my belly-button pierced
- I want to look good in a bikini
- I want to look good for my boyfriend
- I want to be a size 0, 00
- I want to be an xs in abercrombie and hollister clothes
- I want to weight less than my 12 year old sister, and laugh
- I want protruding hipbones and visible ribs
- I want a flat stomach and a cute little butt
- I want to wear shorts and skirts without feeling huge
- I want to be able to wrap my hands all the way around my thigh
- I want to be skinnier than all my friends
- I want girls to be jealous of me
- I want to be someone's thinspo
- I want the first thing people say to me when they meet me is "wow, you're so skinny/tiny/etc."
- I want to look good in anything, skinny girls can wear a paper bag and make it look good
- I want to prove to myself and others that I have the self control and willpower to do this, I can be as skinny as I want, all I have to do is truly want it, if I do, I can and will do whatever it takes.
I am stronger than a cookie, stronger than any sweet, carb, or fatty food I think I want.
What I truly want is the perfect body, to be that petite size that will look good in clothes.
I have the strength to decline any food offered to me and to maintain my fast for as long as I need.
I will consume nothing but water tomorrow, I will not break my fast tomorrow, or until my period has ended, I will only eat when I absolutely have to and I will keep it under 100-200 calories.
I can do this.
I will do this.
Sorry about the terribly long entrie and lack of thinspo or measurements like I promised, I will try to get around it, but I'm on my mom's computer right now and I've been terribly busy. Maybe next time. If you found my post a little inspirational or helpful, then I've done my job. Don't forget to comment and subscribe <3
stay strong and think thin ladies
x o x o
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| ughhh, binged yesterday, but mostly on special k so it wasn't too bad, I kept it under 1500 calories so I didn't gain any weight.
I'm officially 118 today :D I'm starting a three day fast, today through Monday. Black coffee and water only so hopefully I can drop three pounds by Tuesday. My treadmill is broken and the part I need to fix it hasn't come in the mail yet, but it will soon so I'll get back to being on that for a half hour at least 4 times a week. For now I have to stick to crunches and sit ups.
I got my hair cut and colored back to my natural color last night, it looks nice and its alot healthier than it used to be, I want my hair to be sooooo long and pretty, allot of it is broken off from when I dyed it blonde, ew. After I wash it a few more times it should lighten up to the color of the extensions I bought and I'll be able to wear those. All I need is patience, booo.
sorry about the lack of thinspo today ladies, I'm on my mom's computer at work so I have to be sneaky.
I'll update when I'm at 115, and next time I'll be posting my measurements and maybe some progress pics if they're not too revolting.
stay strong, starve on ladies
x o x o
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| So I did it! over 50 hours! wow. I was gonna try to go for 100 but I weakened for a moment today and had a bite of my friend's grilled cheese at lunch today. I also got a flavored water out of my school's vending machine and it had 25 calories in it, what the hell?! I'm gonna go do a nice 100 calorie burning walk on my treadmill right now.. I've decided that I'm not eating again until I've reached 115 lbs. I'm just so scared I'll go right back up to 120 if I eat again. I'm like 118-119 right now. I've been super exausted from fasting all the time, but its probably because I haven't been drinking almost ANY water, I gotta start doing that :/ When I woke up this morning it was like - 11 degrees out. BRRRR! So heres some skinny beach bodies thinspo for you all to keep motivated. 
Keep warm, and stay strong ladies, its chilly out! x o x o | | |
| uuuuuuuurrrnnngggghhhhhh good morning everyone My back feels like its been tied in a knot, its my last reminder of all the '07 holiday stress. Somebody give me a massage, maybe I'll go to panacea and get that done today :) So last night I mini-binged on some popcorn and pretzels as I watched the ball drop. I've decided that I'm going to spend the first 50 hours of 2007 fasting as of mindnight last night, who's with me? 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50!
At 2am on Thursday, I can eat again, I think I'll do a fruits and veggies only diet for a week or two after my fast ends. oh and I thought I'd share with you all my favorite things ever. They keep me from binging alot of the time and they're so much better than regular water. thinspo time; 
stay strong and stay thin x o x o | | |
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